{"id":1139,"date":"2026-02-24T20:59:11","date_gmt":"2026-02-24T20:59:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bangormetro.wpenginepowered.com\/?p=1139"},"modified":"2026-03-31T17:12:19","modified_gmt":"2026-03-31T17:12:19","slug":"books-the-antidote-to-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bangormetro.com\/?p=1139","title":{"rendered":"Books: The Antidote to Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bangor Library book club discovers the healing power of reading together<\/strong><\/h5>


By Robin Clifford Wood <\/strong><\/p>

After attending two meetings of the Grieving Through Reading Book Club at Bangor Public Library, I remembered a story.<\/p>

When my 6-year-old niece first became aware of death, she was distraught. <\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t want to die!\u201d she cried. My sister Katy, trained as both a therapist and an interfaith minister, felt sure she could console her daughter without lying about death. She\u2019d be honest yet reassuring. Katy tried logical conversation. She tried distraction. She told an elaborate story using her hand as the spirit and a glove as the body. <\/p>

\u201cSee my hand?\u201d she said, waving her bare fingers in the air. \u201cThis is you before you were born.\u201d She indicated the glove on the table. \u201cSee that glove? That\u2019s your body.\u201d <\/p>

Katy slipped her hand into the glove and lifted it into the air again, gloved fingers dancing. <\/p>

\u201cWhen you die,\u201d she said, slipping the glove back onto the table, \u201cyou leave your body. But see?\u201d She raised her dancing, bare fingers back in the air. \u201cHere you are still, the same spirit. You\u2019ve just left your body behind.\u201d <\/p>

\u201cThere,\u201d<\/em> Katy thought, \u201cI\u2019ve done it.\u201d <\/em><\/p>

After the briefest of pauses, my niece wailed, \u201cBut I don\u2019t want to die!\u201d and burst into tears. <\/p>

\u201cOkay, sweetheart,\u201d Katy said with a sigh. A lie would have to do. \u201cYou\u2019re not going to die.\u201d Her daughter sighed with relief. <\/p>

Grown-ups may not burst into tears at the idea, but many still harbor an aversion to facing the reality of death. Death is an absolute certainty, but we assiduously ignore it, or we pretend death has nothing to do with us\u2026 until it does. Unfortunately, after years of denial, many people are undone, torn to pieces, shocked by death\u2019s arrival on their doorstep. <\/p>

\u201cIt came out of nowhere!\u201d people say. But it didn\u2019t. Death was always there; death is<\/em> always there, all around us. However, there are ways to make the end of life less fearsome, more manageable. We can prepare, we can have conversations ahead of time, we can speak openly about our fears, our grief, our suffering. It helps.<\/p>

It was the desire to help people come to peace with death and grief that inspired Holly Williams, head of circulation at Bangor Public Library, to facilitate the Grieving Through Reading Book Club. Holly is also a hospice volunteer, a death doula, and no stranger to grief. Her continuing goal is to educate people about death and dying. She soon learned that the conversations participants engage in at each meeting are as important as the material in the books.<\/p>

\u201cThis is not a grief support group,\u201d Williams said. \u201cI\u2019m a librarian, not a therapist.\u201d Still, people do express vulnerabilities and share deep emotions during their meetings. <\/p>

Holly was surprised by the group\u2019s popularity \u2014 from eight to 18 people show up consistently. Some come every month, others only once, but all seem grateful to have been there. Here is what some participants say about the group:<\/p>

\u201cWe\u2019ve laughed, we\u2019ve cried, we\u2019ve read really good books.\u201d<\/em><\/p>

\u201cI feel a lot less anxiety now about my future path.\u201d<\/em><\/p>

Referring to one of the books, one participant said, \u201cThe book taught you a lot of how to live while you\u2019re dying.\u201d <\/em><\/p>

Some attendees have lost spouses, parents, siblings, or children. Some have terminal illness themselves. Some take an active part in conversation, others sit quietly and listen. If you decide to go, be ready for laughter, nodding heads, and compassionate listening. An undeniable sense of warmth and camaraderie infuses the room. What better antidote to fear and grief?<\/p>

Faced with the prospect of dying, most of us agree with my 6-year-old niece. One conversation might not resolve our fears, but a series of conversations about well-crafted books might help. As David Kessler says in \u201cThe Needs of the Dying,\u201d it is possible to say, \u201cI don\u2019t want to die,\u201d even as we accept death\u2019s inevitability. There\u2019s no way around the gut-punch of grief, but the more we educate ourselves about the losses that are sure to come, the better prepared we\u2019ll be to take the hit.<\/p>

<\/div>
Recommended reading<\/h5>


The Grieving Through Reading Book Club meets in the Bangor Public Library\u2019s Crofutt Room on the third Thursday of each month from 12-1 p.m. The group will continue at least through 2026. See the BPL website<\/a> for updated information.<\/p>

List of titles from Oct. 2024\u2013April 2026:<\/strong><\/p>